i honestly

feel dead. :l
it's like i've got nothing to look forward to.
nothing to strive for anymore.
i've given up on everything, haha.
maybe one of these days i'll find something..
something that i have the slimmest chance of attaining.

i'm slowly turning back into my old self.
solitary, blunt, and serious in all aspects..
it's weird.
change was good, but i'd prefer being individualistic again; saves me alot of stress/hurt/etc.

if i had my way; everything would just fuck off.
fuck college, fuck the sun, fuck the sky, fuck me, fuck you.
fuck, everything.

nothing means anything anymore.

just

about ready to give up.

i'm really, really, really patient.
i just.. "can't wait forever".
haha.
wise words stefan, wise words.

i wanna curl up and just.. fall asleep for ever.

mm..

i like my mood. :)
today has been good, full of laughs.
ups and downs, the usual.
bring on the weekend, yeahhhhhhh?

I'll believe it all
There's nothing I won't understand
I'll believe it all
I won't let go of your hand

x

smilessss :)

i sung to them.

i phoned them.

i adored their voice.

i adored their laugh. (oo, creepy ;D)

even better, i made them laugh, LOL.

i LOVEDDDDDDD them.

night! :) x

p.s. - WILL SMITH IS THE SHIT!

darling..

are you lost my dear? tell me, are you cold?

do you hide fears, still left untold?

you want to change, but just can't break the mould.

so here i stretch, an open hand

please grab a-hold, we can leave this land

my porcelain doll, unscathed skin

you bring out my devil within

englightening, to these gloomy eyes

you unmask my greatest lies

untouched feelings, i back away

i'll save my words for a distant day

i'll exhaust myself;

here i lay

for i would rather play it cool

i will not over-flatter, and look a fool

just know my love, i can see inside you

come at me full-throttle, i wouldn't stop you

i know the pain you keep locked up

i could help you

but to break your will would make me corrupt

i am no one; you will not miss me

i dream each night for unattainable bliss, see?

unrivalled idiocy, you cannot imagine

but i can be smart; i can be smart for you

a good day today.

david, you idiot.

Tonight we drink to youth

And holding fast to truth

I don't want to lose what I had as a boy

My heart still has a beat

But love is now a feat

as common as a cold day in LA

Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder

Is there a spell that I am under

Keeping me from seeing the real thing

Love hurts..

But sometimes it's a good hurt

And it feels like I'm alive

Love sings

When it transcends the bad things

Have a heart and try me

'Cause without love I won't survive.

I'm fettered and abused

Stand naked and accused

Should I surface this one man submarine

I only want the truth

So tonight we drink to youth

I'll never lose what I had as a boy

Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder

Is there a spell that I am under

Keeping me from seeing the real thing

Love hurts..

But sometimes it's a good hurt

And it feels like I'm alive

Love sings

When it transcends the bad things

Have a heart and try me

'Cause without love I won't survive

Love hurts, oh

Love hurts..

Without love I won't survive

Love hurts, oh

Without love I won't survive

break.

me.

i am..

I am colour.. blind

Coffee black and egg white

Pull me out from inside!

I am taffy stuck, tongue tied

Stuttered shook and uptight

Pull me out from inside!

I am covered in skin

No one gets to come in

Pull me out from inside!

I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding

I am colour.. blind

Coffee black and egg white

Pull me out from inside..

Save me.

broken wings don't fly

why does it seem that anything and everything gets me down lately?

really starting to hate this..

i'm slowly becoming more and more vulnerable to attacks aimed at me.

it's pathetic.

why?

does it hurt this much, haha.

my mind hurts and my heart is stinging.

i am an irresponsible prick, and somewhat a hate-junkie.

i think, i'll push the boat so far, so far it won't come back.

you will hate me, eventually, my dearrrrr.

unless you do already..

i apologise.

david, you're really becoming to much of a wreck, man.. go smoke or something.

like, my mood sky-rocketed after band gathering and what-not, had a few laughs and stuff; even had a nice chat with mckeever about how i feel atm (bless that man's cotton socks).

it really cheered me up, ya know? i felt like i'd finally told someone other than myself..

i came home, ate my dinner that i had to re-heat after leaving it to go cold at 5pm.

it was nice, cause i like lasagne. it's really funny, haha; my cat is the only person i've hugged in ages.. i don't think i even hug my own mother anymore, it's like.. i don't even know.

i find it amazing that i can say so much to him, and all he does is meow back at me, or just stare at me. such a cutie. i've binged on dr. pepper and sprite - how unhealthy.

loving the fact i can talk to laura mitchell and we actually help eachother? well, she's helping me anyway, and i hope i helped her ^_^.

ahhhhh, writing this out lifted my mood a tad.. even if only a little.

ahh, love you. even if you don't love me. 'cause.. 'dats how i roll fammmmalam. x

haha.

possibly the worst fucking day of 2010 so far.
everyone seems to be fighting against me, even if they're not even talking to me.
i can see it in their eyes.
maybe i'm just being a paranoid little kid, but i don't care.
i was snapped at for telling someone to be quiet; they were making stupid and distracting noises.
everyone asked me for stuff today, and what do i get in return? a shit day.

fuck it, fuck it all ;/

hopefully band practice helps me release a little stress, both anger and the other thing i don't wish to disclose.

grrrrr, rage.

i'm falling, falling so deep, and i just can't fucking stop.
i'm so soft nowadays, it's like i'm not me.

weep for yourself, my man,

you'll never be what is in your heart

weep little lion man,

you're not as brave as you were at the start

rate yourself and rape yourself,

take all the courage you have left

wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head

but it was not your fault but mine

and it was your heart on the line

i really fucked it up this time

didn't I, my dear?

END IT FUCKING ALL! ~~

into the sea of inhumanity!

you're a blubbering wreck, a blubbering wreck, straighten yourself up.

you cannot do a thing, you cannot do a thing, please turn back.

do you remember a while back, you would not falter for this crap.

you're letting stuff get to you, you're letting it get under your skin.

don't you know that feeling pain is your sin? do not sin, do not sin.

you blaspheme life, you blaspheme death.

please turn back my little one, you've much to do, you're still young, you've yet to bloom.

revert, young david, become a monster once more!

unlock this cage you've got me trapped in, it's tight and lacking air.

i feel my grip slipping, i can't hold on.

i'll get you back eventually, my dear.

you've grown soft, so soft, so soft, so fucking soft.

WHY?

i've fallen hard, my counter-part, my life was once a blank canvas, it's now a work of art.

i feel so much pain, and i do not refrain; to spill my emotions.

i'll continue to live a normal life, a normal life indeed.

i am a bit crazy, certainly not an average guy.

i cannot blaspheme no more, 'fore i know we live just to die.

i love it all.

today is a riddle, can you work it out?

i am down in the morning, shoulder-height at noon, sky high in the evening, and no where to be seen under the moon.

.

"Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me."

breakdown.

Sunday, the most lazy day of the week for me, other than a Friday.

Quite a bit happened during the weekend, for bad or for worse I can't really tell, but I know it took a lot of weight off my shoulders. I'm hoping it didn't add weight to anyone's shoulders, really hoping.

Sing it for me

I can't erase the stupid things I say

You're better than me

I struggle just to find a better way

I feel like I've grown a pair, I've finally manned up to most of the good and bad things that have happened in my life so far, and just recently? Well, I entered the strangest mood of my life. I'm overwhelmed by emotions, and she did it. I always thought the term 'swept off your feet' was something used in fairy tales, and it's usually the prince of the story doing it to the damsel in distress. But; it's pretty much happened. Without me even realising it, I've found something so.. so real? I haven't even 'obtained' anything special as such, but I feel special. I feel real. I've never felt this real in my life. Yesterday night, something came flowing out of me that I'd never ever thought about before. Words that I wouldn't usually say to anyone suddenly materialised in front of my eyes, and to be quite honest, I felt vulnerable. So very vulnerable. Yet, it felt amazing.

I never loved no body fully

always one foot on the ground

and by protecting my heart truly

I got lost in the sounds

I hear in my mind all these voices

I hear in my mind all these words

I hear in my mind all this music

and it breaks my heart

breaks my h-h-heart